Never Give Up

by Lisa Scimens

On our recent trip to Africa, I was not only surprised by the multitude of animals we saw and the related experiences.  My husband and I were pleasantly surprised with our daughter, now 29, in many ways.

A few years ago our daughter’s string of diagnoses grew to include high functioning Autism. Previously it had been Anxiety/Depression, ADHD, and learning issues.  I mention the ASD inclusion because it helps to explain why she knows so much (minutiae) about animals and their habitats.(Two of our guides complimented her on her knowledge and encouraged her to continue studying them.  She hopes to be a Marine Biologist one day.)

One of her issues has been insomnia and sleep problems.  She has been a night owl for years. Before the trip, we often would not see her dressed and starting her day until 4pm.  The sleep problems started back in middle school.  She was then prescribed Provigil which is usually given to shift workers to help reset their circadian rhythms.  It helped a bit, but she still had problems going to school in time for her first class.  (This and school refusal lead to her spending two years in a therapeutic boarding school.)

We were worried this trip would be hard for her because of her sleep problems.  Our schedule included two daily safaris.  The first left our camps at 6am.  The second, after an afternoon rest, left at 3 or 4pm, which followed a “high tea”.

Over our three week trip, she was up at 5 or 5:30, dressed, ready for breakfast, and then looking forward to the morning outing all but two mornings!  This was shocking, in a good way.

Was it that she loved the trip so much she made herself stick to the schedule?  Was it her love for animals?....

Or…was it that she really could be up on time and stick to the schedule if she REALLY wanted to?

Her depression did seem minimized on the trip.  She didn’t spend as much time on her phone/computer.  Maybe that is part of the reason.  Plus, she was outside for about 7 hours a day in glorious fresh air, something that never happens at home.  Also, the good food was a big motivation, I’m guessing.

My husband and I complimented her on getting up on time several times.  She actually said she hoped the trip helped her to reset her internal clock.

Fast forward to getting home….

After we had all recovered from a pretty lengthy jet lag, she began to work on a large baking project she booked this summer.  The local community garden, where I have a plot, has a Harvest Festival every fall.  Last year she baked cookies and bars for it.  She was asked to do so again because everyone loved her sweets.  However, this year they asked her to make 400!

Some background on this….When she attended a young adult transition program in her early 20’s, she took two semesters of baking classes at a local JC.  She loved the classes and became quite proud of and confident inof her baking skills.  Then, during COVID, we came up with the idea of her starting a weekly cookie company.  She would send out an email to friends and neighbors announcing her cookie of the week on Mondays, and told people to get their orders in by Wednesday.  Friday after noon, they could come to our house to pick up their order which would be in a “no contact” spot on our sheltered front porch.  They would pay electronically before the pick-up. Some weeks she’d make a couple hundred dollars!

Once COVID was over and we had moved from Oakland to Sonoma, she stopped the cookie business.  But she still had a name for her business, business cards, an email address, stickers and nice packaging.  As she baked away for an entire week for the Harvest Festival, she said “Mom, I think I want to start up my baking business again.  Will you help me?”  

The next Thursday, she had an order for two dozen Coconut Macaroons for our neighbor who would bring them to sit Shiva the following Monday.

My message to all parents:  Never give up hope.  Look for baby steps of progress.

Come to a Family Sanity meeting soon.